Andy

Frustrated!

This surgery recovery is really getting old. I'm used to being tired, but now I can't sit up for 15 minutes without paying for it the rest of the day. If I sit in my reclining chair and keep my eyes open the entire time, I even pay for that. It's really hard to cope in meaningful ways when you have to make an intentional effort to do absolutely nothing all the time. Today I decided to just give up on trying to feel decent and am sitting here playing Civ with mom. That means I get to feel like I have been injected with harmful chemicals after staying up all night for several days running. So, is it better to do absolutely nothing and feel decent, or do something, anything, and feel miserable? I don't think I know anymore.

Having the choice makes it worse in a sense, too. I have felt this way before in situations where sleep meds backfired on me, but the lack of choice in those situations forced my hand in a way that made it somehow more tolerable. It's a choice that maybe you have to experience to understand. I couldn't say about that part.

What I wish I could do is somehow artificially create the adrenaline assistance I get when people are over or I have some kind of obligation. I doubt that's possible, and if it is, it would probably hurt me more in the long run, but I could sure use some tools to fix this situation. I'm all about doing things to help myself, but I'm kinda tapped here.