Andy

I am 90% certain I told you I wouldn't be able to make it (hence why I assume you took me off your reminder emails, as I didn't receive them).

I am sorry you've had a rough time getting people to commit, and just want to point out you're not alone.

There's something peculiar in our generation, I think, where most of us seem to be awfully wishy washy about making any sort of time commitment. A lot of my friends you can call spur of the moment and they'll do something with you if they're not busy, but try to make plans with them in the long term, and they cancel last minute or forget--or never get back to you in trying to make plans to begin with, and then complain they never see you.

I try very hard not to do this to other people; I know I do get wishy washy at times (and I know I've done it with you, though it's been for some difficult to avoid family things) but I know for me that's a sign I am too busy and need to slow down because I'm trying to do too much at once.

Some people never commit to something because they _want_ to do it, they just don't know if they have time. Some people don't know how to say No or Yes. It's tough, sometimes. And I'm sure with you it's coming from the fact that people do want to come see you, especially since they know you can't get out much, and they feel like they'd hurt your feelings by saying a definitive no (for no reason other than they already had plans). But instead of avoiding hurting your feelings, they are indirectly pissing you off because they don't realize how disrespectful they are being.

And it IS disrespectful, to not RSVP to an invitation. It's downright, rude, in fact. ESPECIALLY when they should be aware of how exhausting it is for you to plan things like this.

But...

You need to make this clear to the INDIVIDUALS who are doing this to you, not make a mass announcement. I realize you are just venting, mostly, here, but the people who need to get the message, frankly, won't from a mass venting. And people who DON'T deserve the flack will feel hurt because usually it's the responsibile people who will wonder if they did something wrong. So your target is all off.

You need to bring this up with the individuals who are screwing you over. You need to let them know, personally, that you are hurt, or they won't get it.

And tell them that you're taking them off your event list until they have more time for you. If they want to be put back on, they have to let you know when they've gotten their stuff figured out. Otherwise, if they're screwing you around, they're not worth your keeping in touch with them. It's that simple.

And if I ever do this to you, please bring it up with me personally when I do it, and I will do everything I can to make amends.

I hope you've had a good day, anyway. :(

Yes, Anna, today was fantastic. We had a good turnout in some unexpected ways and everyone had a blast.

... and DQ, I totally knew you were out the entire time. No problems there. I don't even think you waffled on me in the past in the way that you're thinking. I remember the time to which you are referring, but it didn't bother me that you had to cancel because you handled it right and had an excellent reason to change plans. I apologize for putting you on edge on account of this post. I might still take it down... I'm not sure yet.

Really, it's not people who forget sometimes that they have stuff and tell me late that bother me. That happens from time to time. It's the consistent non-reporting, plan-changing, and the scheduling-over that prompted this rant.

I have talked to people personally in fairly non-confrontational ways, but it doesn't matter. Some people even acknowledge the problem, then don't do anything about it. It's weird.

There is definitely a quality to this that showcases the rat-race society in which we live. The lack of respect for people is the bigger problem to me. It's not just with me or with invites in general. I think we have a big cultural problem when it comes to respect. Many people lack respect for their jobs, families... you name it. I think that in a general sense we Americans just have it too easy right now.

Really, it's not people who forget sometimes that they have stuff and tell me late that bother me. That happens from time to time. It's the consistent non-reporting, plan-changing, and the scheduling-over that prompted this rant.

No, I got that. And it's rude, and you shouldn't put up with it.

I have talked to people personally in fairly non-confrontational ways, but it doesn't matter. Some people even acknowledge the problem, then don't do anything about it. It's weird.

Hence why I suggested you take them off your list. Don't give yourself the worry and hassle. Friends like that aren't worth keeping in touch with. If they feel left out, let them come to you.

I have done that in a few instances, but my list tends not to get longer as the years go by. I don't meet many new people who are local. I have new E-friends through CFS, but that's it for the most part.

So? Better three good friends than ten lousy ones.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but if all these people do is ignore you and mess up your plans, and make you this upset because they're that disrespectful, I don't understand why you would want to stay in touch with them. Friendship requires give'n'take from both sides. Looks like you're doing the giving and they the taking. Why?

It is a pretty complex situation, and becomes moreso when you have a serious health problem. I can choose to give up broad categories of activities that I enjoy or I can cut off groups of people for treating me poorly in terms of notifying, etc...

It's a rich tapestry, and kind of an ugly one. Ah well, I never much went in for those Persian rugs anyway.